Mental steadiness, happiness and self content nature all contribute to keeping love alive. For a happy and satisfied couple, the waft of the same romance and love may still hang around throughout their married life. In fact, positive thinking would like to believe that happy couples outnumber those caught in an unhappy marriage
No relationship is devoid of problems. But it is the attitude of finding a way through them that distinguishes a strong and resilient relationship from a weak one. When problems occur in a relationship, it is important to identify the root cause. With timely intervention, you can still restore the sense of security, contentment and bliss that once were the hallmarks of your marriage. This also involves a constant effort at meeting or exceeding one's expectations.
There may be diverse range of reasons that may include both individual problems and problems arising out of lopsided patterns of interactions within the relationship.
Individual problems generally relate to individual needs being unmet which takes its toll on the relationship.
An important source of dissatisfaction in marriage is the dysfunctional pattern of interaction within a relationship. Probable reasons such as poor communication, want of positive enjoyable shared values and experiences, inadequate partner support, shoddy problem solving skills, lack of quality time are discussed below.
1. Poor communication.
No relationship can be expected to thrive without open, honest communication. Poor communication is the knotty issue in practically all communication problems occurring within relationships. The way people communicate or don't communicate with one another can hurt people's marriage also cause distress and tension within a relationship.
This occurs when one partner adopts an aggressive, probing or intrusive communication style while the other partner gets into a withdrawal mode or refuses to communicate in response.
3. Labeling and negative emotion.
In this, one partner resorts to negative emotion, such as anger, anxiety and sadness to influence or manipulate the other partner. Labelling habits - partners resorting to demeaning labels such as 'lazy', 'stupid', 'boring' 'annoying' - to describe him or her may have to pay a heavy price.
Researchers increasingly press on the importance of understanding our emotions and handling them in a healthy way.
Conflict and negative emotions arise from one’s expectations not being met. Our expectations are unwittingly listed out at the back of our mind whether we realize it or not and when are sort of possessed we do need to sit back and figure out what expectation on our list is not being met, see if it’s a reasonable expectation and if not, get rid of it.
4. Emotional invalidation and ineffective listening.
This happens when a person seldom or never uses receptive body language and verbal feedback to show concern and understanding for the other partner. Competing demands also lead to this situation
5. Poor problem solving skills.
Problem solving is a critical skill that comes in very handy in married life which brings its own set of demands in the form of mundane to complex daily problems. It calls for generating effective solutions whether the rankling issue is making time for each other, squeezing time for socializing, organising schedules each day to get everything done, organising outings on a regular basis or paying utility bills.
While most married couple do get by managing issues in the relationship pretty much safely, common problems that many encounter point to their weak problem solving ability and includes
Failing to pin down the actual problem.
Most of us make wrong conjectures and thus fail to recognise what the problem really is. If we suspect an unpleasantness or dullness in the relationship, it may not be that our partner is not very pleasant any more but that he/she is experiencing fatigue or work pressure and there is a general lack of quality time together.
Not Thinking of All Possible Alternatives Before Choosing One.
Want to tread the beaten path, while wholly disregarding the fact that problem solving involves holistic thinking, that is, thinking about all the options.
A narrow point of view can constrict a blossoming relationship.
For instance, sometimes one partner may think that a planned outing is needed to fix things and may overlook little lifestyle changes that could bring the same improvements. Similarly, by communicating less you are not giving enough breathing space to your spouse, when letting your spouse indulge in a hobby is a far productive way for doing so. For financial issues, the best alternative could be adopted that suit both partners.
Not discussing and involving our partner in selecting, implementing and reviewing.
Solving relationship problems without involving our partners may rebound on you. The partner will feel left out from sharing the process and may tend to blame you when things don't work out. It makes practical sense to work together on issues.
Inadequate partner support
Restoring marital bliss
Steps to a beautiful marriage
First, if you notice even a small spark of these unhealthy patterns, you should identify the type.
Second, acknowledge it and admit to your spouse that the behaviour is detrimental to the growth of your marriage.
Third, use your will to change the pattern. If your resolve is strong, you will be able to achieve it.
Fourth, learn to replace old patterns with new ones. Make sure you involve your spouse in decision-making, make an attempt to understand his/her feelings regarding any topic/issue and what he/she is saying.